How do you Handle Marriages that Don’t Measure Up?
Introduction:
Marriages that don’t measure up means when marital life doesn’t meet up to expectations or when you’re enduring marital life instead of enjoying it or when marriage is about to collapse or has totally collapsed.
This is a very wide topic. For instance, what are the symptoms, causes, effects, cure and prevention marital life that isn’t measure up? And is there anything I can do to continuously live in a measured up marriage?
Firstly, let’s deal with the word “measure-up”
When we talk about marriages that measure up, we are talking about comparing the daily occurrences in a marriage to an ideal marriage or to a perfect marriage that is full of bliss, joy and happiness all year out. In this kind of marriage, there is no regret and no downsides on any matter between the husband and his wife at all. Everything is just paradise or heaven on earth in the family all day long. Any minor deviance from perfection therefore is considered that such marriages do not measure up. The truth is that such a marriage, without issues, does not exist anywhere on earth.
The other way to look at the word “measure-up” is to compare the daily happenings and experiences in a marriage with societal standards, culture and norms, and then draw up analysis if such a marriage is below the standards, meets up with the standards or living above the standards. It has to do with what you consider as “good” marital life. This is a relative comparison. It is about comparative analysis of marriages within a group, or with other marriages outside the group or with marriages across racial, national and international boundaries. For instance, in some cultures, it is an acceptable practice that husbands open their car door for their wives to enter the car. What is the degree of compliance to such a practice by your husband? If your husband has not been doing such, it is being concluded that the marriage does not measure up.
One other way to look at the word “measure-up” is to compare the day-to-day events in a marriage with the expectations each of the couples set for themselves at the beginning of the marital union. For instance, if at the beginning of your marriage your husband had envisaged that you would always kneel down to greet him early in the morning, now that you’re married, how far has this expectation been met? If you’ve not been true to this since your marital union, then the marriage is considered as not measuring up.
Everybody has an ideal image of how his or her marriage life should be. Yours are quite different from mine. The fact that I tolerate certain things in my marriage does not make it ideal for everybody to copy.
In fact, some things I tolerate may be poisonous to you. So, there are individual differences expectations in marriage. And for some people a non-compliance to the expectations lead to dysfunctional marriage. And when both parties can no longer cope with their differences, separation and/or divorce creep in.
Once in a while, each of the couples always weighs what he or she expects out of marriage with what is practically going through in the marriage.
Now, to the symptom: what are the warning signs that a marriage is not measuring up and what kind of marriage do we consider as not measuring up?
1. That is what are the symptoms of marriages that do not meet up to expectations
1. When the husband or wife regrets being married to the other partner
1.Physically
2.Sexually
3.Financially
4.Child bearing
5.Compatibility
6.Love & affection
7.In-laws and extended relatives
2.MARRIAGE FACTS.
1. It is better to remain single than to marry a bad wife/a bad husband. A happy single life is better than a sad married life..
2. In most cases, change takes place during courtship and not in marriage. If you cannot change your partner during courtship, do not expect any magic in marriage. In most cases, a bad character in courtship is worst in marriage..
3. A bad marriage is like hell on earth. Never you manage to marry somebody..
4. It is better to be single and wish to get married than to be married and wish to be single. God forbid..
5. Marry an imperfect person who is willing to work on his/her imperfection. This is the only type of person you can be patient with and also tolerate; not a person who does not take correction and therefore, not willing to change..
6. The biggest regret on earth is to regret why you married someone..
7. The biggest mistake on earth is to marry a wrong person you cannot cope with..
8. Do not play with marriage issue. This is because in marriage, you will spend the rest of your life with your spouse. So it is either you spend the rest of your life in joy not sadness and live long……
