How to Choose a Life Partner
Text: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD Pro 18:22
Introduction:
Marriage is good and honourable; it was ordained by God from the beginning. But choosing a life partner can be problematic because the choice of who you marry can make or mar your destiny. Gen 2:18-25; Jdg 14:1-3; 14:20; 16:1; 16:4; Heb 13:3
Biblical Ways of Choosing a Life-Partner:
1. What do I do first?
Give your life to Jesus. Accept Him as your Lord and Saviour. Seek first and keep seeking the Kingdom of God. Serve the Lord with all your might, power, intellect, resources, and talents. Mat 6:25-34; Deut. 6:5; Ruth 1:16; Genesis 39 v 13; 2Tim 2:22.
2. How and who will God choose for me?
God does not choose for anyone. God creates humans as free moral agents and not robots. Rather, God respects man’s choice and will never force His will on anyone. At best, God can lead, guide, guard, direct, counsel, advise or connect you if you allow Him, Josh 24:15; Prov.18:22; Mic 6:8; Luk 15:11-13; 1Cor 7:39
3. How do I choose the right partner, and what is the guarantee that I will not choose the wrong partner? Pro 23:7; Pro 31:30; 2Sam 13:1-39; Ps 37:4-5
1) Be prayerful and surrender to the leading of God. God is not an author of confusion but of connections. Believe and follow Him. Much as God can lead you to someone in a faraway distance, yet, most times, He can lead you to marry that person not too far from your circle of influence, contacts, friends, neighbours, class-mates, school-mates, towns-mates, and church-mates, etc. etc.
2) Be careful of planned, match-making, online dating, or arrange a partnership. At best, these can be used as socializing, connection, and friendship platforms
3) Decide to be the right partner; and whoever you choose, at the end of the day, as you follow the leading and guidance of God, is the right partner.
4) Instead of looking out for beauty, fame and possessions in a would-be partner, you should rather consider emotional stability, potentials, integrity, empathy, honesty, teachability, reliability, kindness and the fear of God.
5) Don’t make a choice when you’re emotionally not balanced. Love at first sight may be deceitful. You can’t possibly see all that exists, so not all you see exists!
6) Don’t box yourself inside a checklist of traits and qualities of an ideal partner. You can’t find a perfectly compatible partner anywhere. Nobody marries an angel; and you too are not a saint!
7) Don’t allow uncontrolled sexual orgies (or lusts) to magnetize you to a sweet-tongued, physically attractive partner. What is beyond six can be much more than seven! The virtue of patience can not be overemphasized before making a commitment. One of the marks of shallow rivers is impatience. Deep waters don’t make noise!
4. What are the processes of choosing a life partner?
While it is God’s duty to direct and lead you, it is your responsibility not only to do the “finding” but also to make the choice. To find means to discover, to locate, to come across, to unearth, to uncover, to stumble on, to get, to see, to discern, to notice, etc. Prov.18:22; Gen 2:18-23; 2:20; Isa. 30:21; Genesis 2:22-23
5. How Does God Lead?
God does not confuse His children. He will speak to you in the language you will understand.
For instance, God can speak or lead or direct someone through nature, through opportunities, through dreams, through visions, through audible voice, through revelations, through prophecies, through inner voice, through God’s word, etc. However, in all of these, there may be a need for further confirmations through prayer and assistance of trusted and mature Christians, senior pastors, counselors, or genuine people of God. And of course, it is wisdom to carry your pastor and parents along before taking final decision, Ps 37:23; 119:105; Josh 1:8; Acts 8:26, 29; Rom 8:28; Amos 3:3
Conclusion:
Don’t base your choice all on dreams, pressures, pictorial views, or recommendations from others; rather, on personal conviction, sound reasonings, values, and the leading of God. It is sad to note, however, that most of the times when God is speaking and leading, many don’t listen or follow because to them, God’s ways are not convenient, 2Cor 6:14-18
