As a Christian, and in choosing your life partner, is matchmaking a sin?:
Matchmaking:
Matchmaking is the art and practice of connecting two or more people of opposite sexes together for the purpose of marriage. People of different religions, cultures and societies follow diverse kinds of customs in marrying off their boys and girls. Some of these customs are considered primitive and weird; others are thought to be refined, civilized and sophisticated..
Primitive Days:
In the primitive days, particularly in most parts of the world, parents do consult oracles, fortune tellers, star-gazers, witchdoctors, palm-readers and priests for divination in order to discern whether intending couples are ‘divinely meant for each other’ in marriage. Every society has her unique way of going about matching their young adults for marriages.
Later, in the Middle Ages, as societies became more complex, some families usually employed the services of intermediaries called “go-between” who will skillfully “arrange” marriage proposals between couples-to-be, consents of both parents as well as rituals and ceremonies preceding weddings.
Modern Days
But these days with the advancement of technologies and its resultant enhancement of social interaction, many people take the advantage of social media and interconnectivity through internet to get acquainted with their would-be-spouses. These have created a lot of opportunities of escapades for young boys and girls and through which some of them get hooked up in marriages.
With the advent of Christianity, however, and since religion doesn’t exist in vacuum, the teachings and practices of the Bible have seriously impacted the societal norms. Old-time conservative Christian values seem to advocate complete reliance on God for the choice of marriage partner.
Conservative Christianly:
Thus, the Holy Spirit must be hundred percent responsible for choosing your life partner. Any young man who wants to marry, for instance, should pray; and continue to pray until God “reveals” his would-be wife to him. Until then, he shouldn’t make any move in approaching any opposite sex for marriage.
In addition, the young woman seeking to be married too must equally pray; and continue to pray until God also “reveals” to her who exactly is her would-be-husband. She also makes no move until there’s positive correlation and confirmation between the revelations of the young man, “Mr. A”; and the young woman, “Miss B”. This view is of the far left!
Liberal Christianity:
But modern liberal Christianity preaches that God can use any way (including matchmaking) in meeting the marital needs of His people. After all, the Bible says God has one thousand ways whereas we have none! This view is of the far right!
Liberal thinking always frowns at orthodox and conservative interpretations of Biblical injunctions especially as it pertains to marriage issues. This has caused a lot of divergent views amongst young Christians as well as those intending to marry. Between these two views are many conflicting, opposing and contradictory doctrines, dogmas and beliefs: some a little to the left and some a little to the right!
My Advice:
The real posers are, of course, not which of these views are correct or which are wrong. Rather, it has to do with what exactly is the mind of God concerning using the services of matchmakers in deciding the choice of who to marry? The following are my views:
1. In my experience, I have often observed that most Christians don’t want to be identified as matchmakers because of the fear of being blackmailed or blamed should in case the relationship between the husband and his wife later turns sour. Thus, some of the people stopped a little short of being a matchmaker; they rather introduce someone to the other with a strict warning: “please, I’m not a matchmaker… I’m just introducing you…. pray and if the two of you found yourself to be compatible… then you can commence the process of marriage…”
This phobia is understood in the light of what happened in the Garden of Eden when God asked Adam why he ate the forbidden fruit. His response was as if he had no choice other than to accept ‘the woman Thou gavest to be with me…’ He was sort of blaming God and shifting responsibility on Him for giving him the wife. It was as if he wouldn’t have chosen “the woman” if God had not given him! Genesis 3:11-12 says, “And he said, who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat
2. On the other hand, a few couples who happened to have been “introduced” to each other and whose marital unions are blissful have always been eternally grateful to the “introducer.” In Genesis 24:62-67, despite the delay in child-bearing, Isaac never blamed his father’s eldest servant through whom he got Rebekah, his wife. In fact, he was graciously relaxing and meditating at the cool of the day, when the eldest servant, “the matchmaker,” brought the wife to him.
3. Therefore, it does not necessarily mean that matchmaking is evil or sinful. It’s just that some people who could have joyfully acted as matchmakers are afraid since most beneficiaries often shift and heap blames of any misfortune in their marriages on the matchmaker.
4. On the question of whether a Christian could match-make or not: In its simplest form, matchmaking means connecting would-be couple together. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with connecting people together. Life is about connection. Nobody makes it in life all alone. But then, the “connector” should be ready to bear any consequence including perhaps maligning his or her person in case of any failure in the supposed marriages.
5. Also, on the issue of whether a Christian can use modern day technology and social media for matchmaking: It is important to stress here that life is not static. Everything in life is changing per second; and whatever does not change with time becomes obsolete and only good as relics of antiquity. Some people have actually had a good time using this online method. Others, of course, are biting their fingers regretting ever going digital in the search of spouses. Therefore, my advice remains that if the beneficiary is ready to bear whatever consequences of matchmaking through social media, then, why not? Internet is a good medium of interaction and connection. Business life of these days wouldn’t have been as smooth as it is now but for the advent of internet. Any businessman who wants to retain and remain on his old method of bookkeeping, letter writing to suppliers and customers in long hand, postage of same letters through the old post office, etc. cannot be relevant in this 21st century.
6. The truth, of course, is that God is the Original and the Best Matchmaker! He was the One who brought out the woman, Eve, out of the side of the man, Adam, and “brought her” to him.
Gen. 2:21-23 “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man”.
7. It is also true that God knows all things. He knows your past. He is not oblivious of your present. Your future is in His Palms. Moreover, He has very good thoughts and plans towards you. If you allow Him to lead you, you won’t go wrong in the choice of who to marry.
Jere 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
8. Therefore, you will do yourself a lot of good if you commit your ways unto the Lord; and put your trust in Him. Pray and He will surely not only direct you to who you are to marry but also He will lead who you are to marry to you.
