When it’s the wife that takes care of the house and your spouse did not appreciate the wife. What can the wife do?
Answer:
First, let’s start with a story: Once upon a time, a woman used to nag, complain and condemn her dry cleaner because the clothes he used to wash and spread on the line on the corridor were always not clean enough. She always looked through her window and saw all kinds of dirt all around the clothes. But one day, the same woman having looked through the window and this time, saw the garments sparkling clean, exclaimed joyously and told her husband how soon the dry cleaner had changed for better – now he washed clothes clean! However, unknown to this woman, earlier in the day, her husband had just cleaned the window glass through which his wife always looked to see the clothes. So, all the while she was nagging and complaining about not-too-dry-cleaned-clothes, it was her window glass that was dirty: the clothes had always been well dry cleaned!
It is an eternal truth that if you want to change the world, you must start by changing yourself. So, my first counsel is that the woman here should change the way she assesses her husband’s appreciation gestures. Sometimes, he may be appreciating you in his own way but not the way that you expect. One of the ways the wife needs to adjust is to change her perspectives towards her husband in respect of showing appreciation over anything she does in the home. You can make this maxim to be your motto: “blessed is she who does not expect for she shall not be disappointed.”
At the most fundamental end, please note that no man is ever at his best if he’s not manly enough to take care of his home, house and family. Almost all men are egoistic. There’s an unpronounced salient pride even in the most pious of men. It’s just a natural phenomenon that makes man to be man.
If a man is unable to provide for his household, and he’s not appreciative of his wife who’s helping him to take care of the home, then, many things, much more ingrained, could have fallen apart – the following could be some other problems if a man does not always appreciate his wife for taking care of the house:
1) Perhaps the woman always expects to be appreciated in her own way.
2) Perhaps the man’s ego has been severally and severely bruised
3) Perhaps the financial sources and resources of the man are drying up
4) Perhaps the wife always nags or makes the house unconducive for her husband
5) Perhaps the wife always shows off and puffs up on her contributions to the family
6) Perhaps the man is cruising through a depressive moment of his life
7) Perhaps the man is passing through difficult time at work place which the wife doesn’t understand
8. Perhaps the man is bearing so much burdens from the extended family members.
9) Perhaps the man is still a baby-husband: who’s yet to know the rudiments of marriage – this is irrespective of how many years he’d been married.
10) Perhaps the man is an introvert: someone who acknowledges the wife’s contributions but find it difficult to say it out
It is imperative to mention here that showing gratitude to your spouse for the minutest contribution to the family is an important ingredient for healthy marriage.
Some of the ways of showing appreciation are as follows:
1. Intentional, deliberate and audibly saying words, to the hearing of your spouse, like: “thank you”, “thank you very much”, “thanks”, “I appreciate”, “I’m grateful”, “you make me proud”, “you are the best”, “but for you, how else would this have been done”, “God bless you”, “whao, you’ve done it again!” etc. All these valuable phrases don’t cost a dime to say. As you verbalize any of them loud to your spouse, it shows that she is recognized and valued. Say it often. Say it loudly as possible. Say it to her hearing. Even if she does not answer you, just keep saying it! As simple as it is, and as mundane as it seems, it makes her do much more than you expect. If God deserves your thanksgiving, your wife does not deserve anything less! A hunter always appeases his hunting goddess not necessarily for a successful hunt this time but for the next hunting expedition so that he can succeed more. Personally, each time I finished a meal I always say to my wife: “thank you”!!!
2. Writing simple notes or sending WhatsApp chats or sms messages or email letters or sending thank you cards or buying small gift items for your wife can brighten her day. Just write or scribble something beautiful, sweet, funny, lovely, in appreciative and celebrative tone can alter and swing her moody feelings into joyous atmosphere. She would want to do more for you since she knows that you always pour encomiums on her.
There was a day I got home with about N7,000 new notes in N1,000 denomination. I just felt like giving two of my children N1,000 each for recharge cards. They collected and left muttering an unheard “thank you sir”. Since my wife was also around, I gave her N1,000 too for recharge card. She exclaimed “thank you” to me and repeated it over and over again. I now added another N1,000 to hers because she appreciated. This time, she went on her knees thanking me profusely with my traditional eulogy. And for the third time, I said because you appreciated very well, I gave a third N1,000 to her. While still on her knees, she just grabbed me and joyfully screamed “thank you, thank you, thank you, my husband, the original husband, etc. etc.” I became so ecstatic with her appreciation and handed over all the balance of the money on me to her. This is a lesson too many even for me. Our two children were still there looking at what was like a “drama” between their parents. They got only N1,000 each but my wife, their mother who could have only gotten N1,000 ended up getting all that I had left because of simply thanking me.
3. Giving your wife a helping hand in house chores. Most men love watching the TV programs while their wives are sweating in the kitchen even though both husband and wife go to work early in the morning and came back almost at the same time. As the woman is cooking, she’s handling and preparing the children for their school next day. At the same time, she’s trying to tidy up the work she brought home. By the time the woman retires to bed around 11pm, she’s already worn out. Meanwhile the husband ate and retires to bed expecting the wife to join him for “midnight action”! This accounts for why most women usually turn off their husbands’ sexual demands with excuses. A good “thank you” action to your wife could be helping her to wash the dishes, cook the meal, iron the clothes, dress up for the children, etc. You may even give your wife one or two days in a week for her to rest while you alone carry out the house chores.
4. Speaking well of your wife to all people, friends, relatives, children, and neighbors. On no occasion should you speak derogatorily of your wife with anyone. Don’t shout, rebuke, reprimand or correct your wife in the presence of your children or relatives. You should rather cherish your wife as you will love to be cherished. Your wife should be treated as you would love to be treated. And always note that appreciation comes from the heart. You cannot harboring bitterness against your wife in your heart and be mouthing pleasantries about her in the public.
5. Listening to your wife while talking and contributing to whatever she’s saying. One unfailing way of appreciating your wife is to listen to her talking. You cannot overdo this. Women are wired to talk. Most of them talk, talk and talk. You have to keep listening whether you like it or not. Don’t turn deaf ears to their speeches. Don’t show signs of disgust while she’s saying the same things even seventy times seven times. Don’t ignore her when she’s saying laughable things. Make sure you laugh all the same. You ignore them at your own peril but you join them in their conversation for your own comfort and peace!!!
