“I’m a Christian, but I think we are being too hypocritical. There are certain things that are very important to know about my partner before I get married. What if he is gay or impotent? How would I know if we don’t have sex before marriage? And yet you guys will claim it is wrong to divorce and one should be subjected to a life time of torture. I ask you, in such a situation, what can I do, if I get married to a gay man?”
Thank you for your comment, observation and questions.
I thank God too that you said you are a Christian.
There’s no doubt that some Christians are hypocrites. But there are still quite a few that are genuine. This can’t be ruled out of any society of men. Much as we desire all Christians to be one hundred per cent genuine, unfortunately, this is a mirage. All the people can’t be the same. While some will be sheep some others will be goats. Even when our Lord Jesus Christ was here on earth, not all the twelve apostles were genuine. At least there was one who ended up a traitor – Judas Iscariot.
As for the question on whether it is not right to know some things about your would-be spouse, I agree with you that there are certain things that are very important to know about your partner before you get married to him.
However, I disagree with you on the point that you must necessarily have sex with your husband-to-be before wedding in order to ascertain whether or not he’s gay or impotent.
As Christians our conduct and ways of life are to be guided daily by the Word of God as contained in the Bible. In other words, the Bible is sort of our Constitution. It is to mould, mend and monitor our character.
Of course, you can’t find a categorical verse in the Bible where it is mentioned, “thou shall not engage in pre-marital sex”. Yet, equally true is the fact that there’s nowhere the Bible states: “thou shall engage in pre-marital sex in order to verify the sexual competence of your would-be partner.”
The truth is that the Bible, in several references, discourages sex amongst the unmarried, sex outside marriage and sex before marriage. Such example is in Matthew 19. 4-5, Sex is meant for married couples and not for the unmarried or those still preparing for marriage. “And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”
Sexual intercourse amongst the unmarried is known as fornication. God doesn’t tolerate such sins. The consequences are fatal. The Bible says in 1Corinthians 6:9-10, that “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Sexual pleasure is only honorable amongst married couples. Anything outside this is dishonorable. Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
Sex alone does not show intimacy. Prostitutes and those engaged in porn do engage in wild illicit sex which has nothing to do with intimacy. In 2Samuel 13:1, it was reported that Amnon “loved” Tamar. “And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.” He became so crazy because of this “love” that he wanted intimacy through sexual intercourse. But it was soon found out that this was no love at all but lusts and infatuation. The supposed “love” later turned to “hatred” after Amnon had forcefully sexed Tamar. This is because sexual intercourse is never a means to intimacy. Verse 15 says, “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith He hated her was greater than the love wherewith He had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.”
Sexual intercourse is much more than physical action. It spiritually binds two people together as one. 1Corinthians 6:15-18 says “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that He which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but He that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
As a Christian therefore, you will do yourself a lot of good by fleeing pre-marital sex. It can lead to several complications and consequences which include:
1. Loss of virginity: for both boys and girl
2. Unwanted pregnancy
3. Illegitimate child
4. Abortion
5. Forced marriage
5. Sexually transmitted diseases
7. Guilt and spiritual vacuum
8. Emotional distresses
9. Broken relationship
10. Self-hatred and self-distrust
11. Lack of satisfaction
12. Sexual addiction
13. Suspicion, disappointment, sorrow, stress, emptiness etc
14. Battered Self-image and self-esteem.
14. Insecurity, humiliation and self-loathing
16. Spiritual bondage and powerlessness
Now as to the question on the risk of marrying a gay or an impotent man since Christianity would not permit “pre-marital sex.” The following can be very useful for you
As a Christian, make up your mind not to marry an unbeliever. You can’t be a Christian and still remain a gay. The Bible says in 2Corinthians 6:15-16 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath He that believeth with an infidel?
In order to avoid marrying a gay (or an unbeliever) pretending as a Christian, you should commit your way Psalms 37:5 says “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and He shall bring it to pass.”
Let God lead you when you are about to make the choice of marriage partner. God still leads today. Isaiah 30:21 says “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.”
As for the question on whether Christianity permits divorce or not, the Word of God is clear on the teachings on divorce. In the Old Testament, divorce was carried out for any flimsy excuse because of the hardness of the people’s heart. This was not so in the beginning. The husband and his wife were meant to be one flesh till death; hence, the familiar phrase in Matthew 19:6, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”.
And unlike in the Old Testament, Jesus taught us in Matthew 19 that under no circumstances should Christian Couples divorce “except it be for fornication”. And that remarriage is only permissible in the rare occasion after such a divorce. In other words, it is only after the death of either of the couples that the living partner can remarry. If either of them remarries while the other partner is still alive, he or she will be considered to have committed adultery.
