Is oral sex sinful? Is oral sex or anal sex good as a form of family planning instead of using medications? As a Christian woman, if my husband demand for oral sex, should I refuse, because my husband hardly gets turned on without oral?
Answer
What is Oral Sex?
Oral sex in a marriage setting means giving and/or deriving sexual pleasure when married couples use their mouths, lips or tongues to lick, suck and stimulate each other’s genitals. Sometimes, such activities lead to orgasm and ejaculation and in the process, some women enjoy swallowing their husbands’ ejaculated semen while a few men lick-dry their wives’ lubricated vulva.
When a man uses his mouth to perform this on his wife’s vulva or clitoris, it is called cunnilingus; and when a woman uses her mouth or tongue to perform this on her husband’s penis, it is referred to as fellatio. There are occasions when some couples also give or receive sexual gratification by using their mouths to lick and suck each other’s anus. This is known as analingus or rimming; altogether known as anal sex.
Scriptural Purpose of Sex
It is important to examine the scriptural reasons for sexual intercourse of a husband and his wife.
Firstly, sex is necessary for the purpose of procreation. Sexual intercourse is one of the major ways man’s semen passes onto the woman’s fallopian tube and fertilizes her egg for conception and reproduction.
Secondly, sex is necessary for the purpose of mutual fellowship. It was God who first declared in Genesis 2:18 that loneliness is not good,
“And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
Also, according to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, two people are said to be better than one.
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when He falleth; for He hath not another to help him up.”
Thirdly, sex is meant to exhibit intimacy and oneness of both husband and wife. This is God’s original design for marriage as stated in Genesis 2:24,
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Lastly, sex in a marriage setting is meant for pleasure, comfort and the satisfaction of emotional instinctive desires. This is in accordance to Proverbs 5:18-19
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”
Is Oral Sex Sinful?
Even if it is by consent of both husband and wife, oral sex cannot be considered as sexual intercourse as God meant it to be in the beginning. It is rather a sensual and sexual perversion, an aberrant sexual practice and a misuse of body parts. It is putting a part of the body to unnatural use. It is an offshoot and a mild version of BDSM, an acronym for erotic practices of Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, or Sadomasochism. These are human depravities and corruption of moral character.
Every part of the human body is designed for a particular purpose. As an illustration, the ear is for hearing, the nostrils are for smelling, the feet are for walking while the mouth is for eating and drinking. How does it sound if someone uses his ear to eat and drink, and uses his head to walk and run in the public?
This was what the men of Sodom and Gomorrah were entrenched in that led to their destruction. They were so bold in this iniquity to the point of attempting to rape and have anal sex with angels who had transformed into humans and came to Sodom as men. In Genesis 19:5 says,
“And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.”
The fact that some couples derive sexual pleasures from oral sex does not make it right. Also, the fact that some Christian couples indulge in this does not make it Christianly, biblical or godly.
Many writers and even theologians have claimed naivety, ignorance or outright support or rejection in respect of what the Bible says on the subject of oral sex; yet, the truth of God’s word remains. Some protagonists of oral sex postulate and overemphasize bedroom freedom including freedom of the husband to do anything sexually with his wife and vice versa. But note that every freedom God gives to humans is with responsibility. Freedom without responsibility leads to irresponsibility and bondage.
Though, in truth, there’s nowhere in the Bible where it is boldly mentioned, “thou shalt not engage in oral sex.” But when there are issues which are not clearly and explicitly forbidden in the Bible it is wise to compare scriptures on similar and related subjects in order to find out the biblical stand. Moreover, when there are biblical borderline topics and arguments, it is far better to resolve it in such a manner that it will favour the Bible and thus you are to adjust your life accordingly. Romans 3:4 says,
“God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, that thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.”
Now, if God did not spare the people of Sodom and Gomorrah but consumed them by fire in Genesis Chapter 19, for their sin of sodomy which involves anal sex, this should serve as enough warning for us to run away from anything near unnatural use of sexuality.
The Bible frowns at any unnatural use of sexual organs. It is unfortunate that some Christians have unwittingly been approving some practices of LGBT community, an acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. To them, oral sex is a norm. But Romans 1:26-27 says,
“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise, also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.”
Secondly, in 1Thessalonians 4:3-5, all Christians are to keep their bodies, including sexual organs, in sanctity, purity and holiness. Unbelievers or the gentiles may be complacent and do anything they like sexually. But on no instance should a Christian indulge in immorality or sexual perversions.
“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:”
And thirdly, our life, in whatsoever we do or don’t do, including sexual relationship with our spouses, should give glory to God. Colossians 3:17 says,
“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”
Conclusively, if in fact your husband or wife wouldn’t turn on until you allow him perform oral sex on you, this means you have been merely allowing the act in order to satisfy him or her. In other words, it is an un-consented act. This, in a way, may not be too far from sexual abuse. However, if your giving-in to him is just to keep the peace, you should find a most appropriate time you can talk frankly with your spouse, summon enough courage and prayerfully and lovingly discuss your negative feelings on oral or anal sex with him. You can then proffer an alternative way out which will give you guilt-free conscience.
There is a way out for those hooked on oral sex and want to detach. The practice of oral sex doesn’t just jump on someone. It always starts from the thinking in the mind. The Bible says in Mark 7:21-23,
“For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”
Constant and persistent thoughts in your heart about what you read, what you heard, what you watched, what you saw and what you felt on oral or anal sex will want to make you explore and carry out the very act. The excitement and euphoria of “tasting” it once keeps luring you into it to have it repeatedly. Very soon, your conscience adapts and justifies the act. The act now dominates you to the extent you would not want to have anything until you go through the “rituals of oral sex”. It has now mastered your psyche to nearly a point of no return.
Now, the moment oral or anal sex gets hold on anyone, it doesn’t stop there, rather, it continues in degenerative immoralities such as masturbation, pornography, drugs, smoking, alcohol, sexual abuse, sodomy, etc. Moreover, this is true of almost all bad habits. Negative habits are so pervasive, so possessive, so obsessive and so domineering to the point that it is only the intervention of God through the Lord Jesus Christ that can break the bondage. Nearly all of the people practicing oral sex do so out of compulsive habits.
To break free of the act is to first admit that the habit has a lot to be desired. The counsel of God from the beginning is for couples to engage in sexual intercourse penetrating the wife’s vulva with the husband’s penile thereby getting pleasure and not through oral sex.
The next step is to allow Jesus Christ to continue the work of sanctification in your life on daily basis by following the biblical guidance in Romans 6:12-16, 19
“Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? … I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.”
In addition to the above, and in order to have permanent victory over any manner of sexual perversion, you have to continuously guard your heart and fill your mind with the relevant Word of God. Proverb 4:23 says
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
There is need to stress the fact that oral sex is not without the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea and even HIV. In essence, therefore, you will do yourself and your spouse a lot of good by abstaining from practicing oral sex.
